In case anyone still thinks things are on the up and up. Kat and I are both on restriction. We weren't last week. We haven't posted anything derogatory on either site. Why all of a sudden? Huh. Must be a *Glitch* like what happened to Irish. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. It's not technically possible. Someone has to push the button in order to make that happen. Our reps are zeroed out too.

Yesterday my mom called to let me know that my cousin Andrea passed away from complications associated with her current chemotherapy treatments. She was 48. Just nine months older than me.

Andrea had been cancer free for 4 years. We saw her at Easter when Kat and I traveled up to Seattle to visit them and have Easter dinner. Later that week, she went in for a checkup and they found a tumor the size of a soccer ball in her abdomen. But still, it was only stage II, so the prognosis was good for her recovery and they began an aggressive chemo regimen. They don’t yet know what caused her death and there will be an autopsy later this week.

There were four of us, Andrea and her two sisters, Deirdre and Krista, all of us just a year apart. When we were little, my Aunt Roena would make us all matching dresses and she would get a lot of dirty looks if she took us all out together because we were so obviously close in age and looked like sisters. Her middle name really was John because her father was John George the IV or something.

Andrea leaves behind a 17 year old son, a husband of almost 30 years, her two sisters, both parents and me.

This is hard and sad on so many levels. It’s the first family member in my peer group I’ve lost. She’s leaving behind a child – And her mother has to go through the unspeakable pain of losing a child. It’s times like these I wish I weren’t an Atheist so I could comfort myself that she’s in a better place. That she’s with Grandma Inda rolling her eyes and crocheting garbage cans out of empty egg cartons and rug yarn.

So I am going to write this down as a reminder to myself. Make your goddamn relationships count. Love people and tell them. Weed out the users and the energy suckers. Remember that you get your own personal power from yourself, not from anyone else. Do not be beholden to anyone for any reason. Keep your integrity intact regardless. Do not allow yourself to be bullied into silence, even if they attempt to besmirch your character. Do not be blind to your own faults, or those of your loved ones – Call each other on the bullshit and if you can’t do that because you’re afraid they’ll withdraw their love, then they probably don’t really love you.

Be Honest.

This is all we get. We have to make it count for something.

And here is my gratitude list for just about every day of my life:

• Kat
• Jakob
• My Job
• A nice, safe place to live
• Great friends and chosen family
• That I am loved
• Dolphins (Fuck, I just threw that in for fun)

Because of all the Squishy's in the world, you are the Squishiest of all. Like, Squish Times Infinity. Bryna can work out the math portion of this dedication.

Hearts & Flowers,

Juniper Squatsalot

Novice LJ User seeks promised friends.